Seeking Faith

I am not really religious... No matter how much I may want to be, my faith is very screwed up. Sometimes I have no idea what I believe, and after a hard year I have the desire in my heart, but very little knowledge of what is real and what is only a feeling. What directions are right to take and what is wrong. And where I can find peace and contentment in practise. I was looking at churches in Littleton Colorado online so I could get an idea of where I wanted to go before I moved there (I usually do this, and usually the church my gut tells me to go to is usually the right choice... actually it has always been the right choice). This time the church I was most drawn to and expirenced peace when looking at the page was Pax Christi Catholic Church. I am personally not Catholic, but my background has been close to this. At least 500 times in the last five years I have at one point or another considered converting to Roman Catholic, but I have always dismissed the idea. But I find myself considering it again. If I do convert I have a feeling a lot of my prodastant friends will be very angry, as some have already expressed in their critisism at my mere consideration of it! I have been to Catholic mass before though and have always found it meaningful and deep. Also quite complex. I do not understand all of the sacrements etc and would still find a lot to learn. From what I have learned however is that much of what people think of the Catholic church is not true, and that many of the issues Prodastants have with the Catholic church are either due to misunderstanding of purpose of an act, or it was a practise that has been done away with centuries ago. Even things like "Catholics do not believe in birth control" I have found are not 100% do not do this type of rules. The main purpose of that "rule" if you will was implimented in 1968 at a time of the hippy movement with casual sex running wild. It was implemented to discourage improper use of birth control. There are many who still recognise hormonal birth control as medical treatments, and condoms used responsibly (say a couple already has 2 kids and can not afford anymore, there is no problem using one because ultimatly God has final control over it, and sex is for pro-creating AND pleasure). Those involved in sexual acts just have to be open to the fact it involves all of this and is not mutually exclusive when using Birth Control (who knew that looking into the context of what the pope says would be just as important). And the Catholic church is changing in many ways within itself, yet remains strong after close to 2,000 years while all the prodastant denominations seam to split every-which-way. Not to mention it is the largest religious group on earth, and soley funds over 3 BILLION charities worldwide, not to mention over 200,000 hospitals in the United States alone!
Well anyways the process of becoming Catholic involves a lot of study, faith discovery, and seeking while growing in the Catholic community. This can take from 9 months to 18 months depending on the person, on averege. Either way, seeking out a faith I feel sure and strong of, and can practice and enjoy is what I would really like. I would really like to be able to proudly claim a faith and practice with all my heart finding meaning in it. Pax Christi offers the becoming Catholic faith discovery class for free and I hope to begin it when I get to Littleton. It feels like a good thing to do. The right thing at this time. At least seek it out. That has to be a goal for 2011... Seek faith and meaning, learn more, do more Bible studies, and put my whole heart into it! That is what I want :)

RAYE