Seeking Faith

I am not really religious... No matter how much I may want to be, my faith is very screwed up. Sometimes I have no idea what I believe, and after a hard year I have the desire in my heart, but very little knowledge of what is real and what is only a feeling. What directions are right to take and what is wrong. And where I can find peace and contentment in practise. I was looking at churches in Littleton Colorado online so I could get an idea of where I wanted to go before I moved there (I usually do this, and usually the church my gut tells me to go to is usually the right choice... actually it has always been the right choice). This time the church I was most drawn to and expirenced peace when looking at the page was Pax Christi Catholic Church. I am personally not Catholic, but my background has been close to this. At least 500 times in the last five years I have at one point or another considered converting to Roman Catholic, but I have always dismissed the idea. But I find myself considering it again. If I do convert I have a feeling a lot of my prodastant friends will be very angry, as some have already expressed in their critisism at my mere consideration of it! I have been to Catholic mass before though and have always found it meaningful and deep. Also quite complex. I do not understand all of the sacrements etc and would still find a lot to learn. From what I have learned however is that much of what people think of the Catholic church is not true, and that many of the issues Prodastants have with the Catholic church are either due to misunderstanding of purpose of an act, or it was a practise that has been done away with centuries ago. Even things like "Catholics do not believe in birth control" I have found are not 100% do not do this type of rules. The main purpose of that "rule" if you will was implimented in 1968 at a time of the hippy movement with casual sex running wild. It was implemented to discourage improper use of birth control. There are many who still recognise hormonal birth control as medical treatments, and condoms used responsibly (say a couple already has 2 kids and can not afford anymore, there is no problem using one because ultimatly God has final control over it, and sex is for pro-creating AND pleasure). Those involved in sexual acts just have to be open to the fact it involves all of this and is not mutually exclusive when using Birth Control (who knew that looking into the context of what the pope says would be just as important). And the Catholic church is changing in many ways within itself, yet remains strong after close to 2,000 years while all the prodastant denominations seam to split every-which-way. Not to mention it is the largest religious group on earth, and soley funds over 3 BILLION charities worldwide, not to mention over 200,000 hospitals in the United States alone!
Well anyways the process of becoming Catholic involves a lot of study, faith discovery, and seeking while growing in the Catholic community. This can take from 9 months to 18 months depending on the person, on averege. Either way, seeking out a faith I feel sure and strong of, and can practice and enjoy is what I would really like. I would really like to be able to proudly claim a faith and practice with all my heart finding meaning in it. Pax Christi offers the becoming Catholic faith discovery class for free and I hope to begin it when I get to Littleton. It feels like a good thing to do. The right thing at this time. At least seek it out. That has to be a goal for 2011... Seek faith and meaning, learn more, do more Bible studies, and put my whole heart into it! That is what I want :)

RAYE

Oh December, 2010 is Near its End!

Stella and Chloe

The picture is of my pet mouse Chloe. I bought her almost a month ago as a friend for Stella. I thik they really like eachother so I'm glad I got her.
I go to Washington DC on holiday in about a week. It is coming fast, hard to believe. I could use a break. Work is not giving me any hours and I hate it. My car is getting on my nerves and Chad has a major attitude. We argued all last weekend. I told him if his attitude doesn't improve though I will take off. I have had it with his attitude and drama!
As fo the future I am ready to seek God for the long term (whatever that means). I can tell Colorado is the right choice, but I don't know how to get there. I also looked at a discipleship trainiong school to grow again, although I'm not sure when or how that could happen. I guess time will reveal! I can't wait! Only one more book for this month then all of the books are compleated in finishing my 2010 new years resolution! In 2011 I hope to focus on all of the Bible studies I have not accomplished. I am already looking forward to a new (and hopefully better) 2011!

RAYE

July so far = NOT my cup of tea!!

Let's just say it- So far my summer SUCKS! My computer is honestly a real piece of crap as I have handwritten blogs dated back to Sex God, unposted due to dead internet (now that you can see all these blogs I can finally post them all online- 23 December- but the dates on the blogs are all being posted as the orriginal dates I have written them). I can't wait to get a new job and buy my MAC! My hours are being cut due to Chad's "buddy" Ben (who I can't stand) and there is a long story with lots of drama I won't get into on here. I posted my resume to Chad's computer however, so I could apply for jobs there and I sent it to over 20+ places. I already got at least one rejection, but man am I praying for a better job fast! Pray with me! I am miserable at mine! June was so busy with everything that I am needing to get back at my Patriarchs study! I am reading "The God Who is There" by Francis A Schaeffer for July! I read "How Should We Then Live" by him in January 2007 as part of a Humanities class and it mentioned this book a lot, so I finally decided to read it! I have not been to a church in a while that I have really wanted to be a part of, so I am looking to re-trace my roots and go to an ELCA  Lutheran Church where I decided to be a Christian, and combine that with Messianic Jewish I love! I am re-learning more Hebrew (I used to know more than this). I hope to go to Remenant Israel (the Messianic Synogouge where I used to go to) Friday night, and try a Lutheran church Sunday if I wake up! I also want to re-start a prayer journal like I did in High School.
I have many errands I need to do, like get my oil changed ASAP (its been what 7 months now?!?) and figure out what to do with my continual guinea pig litters and find homes for the babies! Its WAY too many to keep! I'm also behind in writing friends letters! Wow!
Forth of July was boring! Chad & I went to Oklahoma at night but it was raining so we didn't get to set off fireworks on our way home... And we got home at 3AM so he didn't see the NEMO film like he said he would, but he saw it last night so I could stop whining & nagging... YAY! Haha! I knew it would only be a matter of time...
Well I have more errands to run. I will keep ya posted... PS, The picture on the blog is of a pretty sunset from last night :)

RAYE

Stepping Up: A Journey Through The Psalms of Ascent

Between 16 January & 13 February 2010 I worked through a six week Bible study book called Stepping Up by Beth Moore. (I sometimes skipped days or did 2 or 3 days work in a single day).The Book took a journey through the 15 Psalms of Ascent (# 120- 134) as the ancient Israelites took their pilgramage to Jerusalem. I have SO much to say about this study, but I could really keep it brief. This study I would reccommend to all women young or old that want to expirence a deeper relationship with God or are looking for a relationship with God. (I suppose a man could do the study but its directed towards women). This study was first reccommended to me by my friend Paige Johnson, but it was also a study my mum did a while back. It was on my list of things to do so I picked it up and did it. As a lot can be covered in 15 Psalms and 6 weeks I am only going to share a single little bit that I took from each Psalm. In the back of the book there is a stair graphic where you write in that stair what you want to take with you most about that psalm (after you write your own version of it in the book itself). So since we all can take different things from the study it is still good for you to do for yourself... And there is a lot more to be gained than a single point that I put in each of my steps on my stair graphic. So be sure to cheque out the psalms for yourself. These are my key points:

Psalm 120- We must heal from a lack of love. Let God love me so I can Love others better. (18 Jan 2010)

Psalm 121- God always protects and provides for me & hears me in a way no human can. (20 Jan 2010)

Psalm 122- Be content to serve God where you are now, not where you are going to be someday. (21 Jan 2010)

Psalm 123- God is here when we feel hurt or expirence contempt. (23 Jan 2010)

Psalm 124- Even though I have let the devil have part of me in the past, Satan didn't get all he wanted. (24 Jan 2010)

Psalm 125- God is present and protecting us even when we feel hurt or harmed. (25 Jan 2010)

Psalm 126- It takes patience to be restored to our gladness sometimes. (27 Jan 2010)

Psalm 127- Wait on God to stop labouring in vain. (28 Jan 2010)

Psalm 128- God blesses us when we perservere in him. (1 Feb 2010)

Psalm 129- God will give us all we need in due time (patience) just as he promised. (5 Feb 2010)

Psalm 130- God now has me fully redeemed from my past. He blesses me & makes me whole. (7 Feb 2010)

Psalm 131- God calms and carries me through difficulty. He is a bigger need than any physical need. (9 Feb 2010)

Psalm 132- When we ask God for something, he always responds exceeding what we asked for, even if our minds can not grasp the response. (10 Feb 2010)

Psalm 133- I need to forgive those in the church that hurt me to heal & love them to bring unity how God wanted it. (12 Feb 2010)

Psalm 134- God blesses me! Even when my mind doesn't initally realise it. (13 Feb 2010)

Overall the lessons I learned had to deal with patience (which I am still working on), moving on from the past (which I seam to get caught up in a different way around lately), and accepting the blessings God has already bistowed upon me (which is one of the few things that keeps me going).

Like I said, the study will teach each of us something different, so pick up the book if you haven't yet & try it. I hope sometime before the month is up to post my February book review on JESUS WANTS TO SAVE CHRISTIANS by Rob Bell. And hopefully get out those Christmas and Birthday cards... and find that job... Keeping fingers crossed... Til next time,

RAYE

January is almost Over...

Its insane to think we are 75% done with January 2010 already!! Whats new with Raye?!? Still looking for a job!! How unpleasent!! :( Yesterday I got the good news though that I had made it through to level two on the dental assisting job, so today I took a series of exams which felt like I was sitting the SAT's or the GSCE's all over again... especially in the last part with all the writing, grammar, maths etc lessons. But I think I did well (on the last exam anyway I believe I only missed one question if any). If I do well enough I will pass to level 3 where I get a phone interview, & then level 4 where I will get an office interview & shadow someone on the job. I really want this job because the more I think about it the more I would love to go into dentistry... Maybe work as an NHS dentist someday?!? Who Knows!! I am still applying elsewhere though in case and if not, I hope to become a dental assistant in the future as a stepping stone to a dentist. Jobs are so hard to find around here... most jobs in America seam to want you to speak Spanish these days... I have to learn Spanish... I only know French and Italian...

Other than job stuff I have been working on a couple projects... I got a puzzle from WalMart of London that I put together & want to glue and frame for when I get my own place... the 500 piece puzzle only took about 3 1/2 hours to put together... Thats what the picture is of on the blog. I have been thinking about England a lot lately and how I wish I could just up and be there right now sometimes (but being away from Chad would be too difficult)... A group of my M8's just got back from London & Cambridge... I told them all how next time they are taking me hahaha.

I have also been working on finishing Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. I still plan to post a blog on my thoughts and some commentary on the book when I finish it so look out for that... :) I have also been continuing to work on my Stepping Up by Beth Moore Bible study book in order to draw closer to God... When I finish that I may also post a few thoughts on that if I find I have stuff to say... I did learn something cool though that I feel like saying now... Did anyone else know that Jerusalem actually translates to "City of Peace"?!? I thought that as pretty cool. Dispite the violence I would still love to visit Israel someday... :) Heck I would love to go about ANYWHERE... but right now, I would just like a job, to pay my bills, have a place of my own to stay, & live comfortably!!

Today I also got my birthday cards together for February... I am going kind of crazy that I still have not been able to send off my Christmas cards or my January birthday cards... Hopefully SOON!!!! I Will hopefully be able to move into my on place soon!! :)

Well I am back to applying for places for work, reading my books etc... and I have to do the dishes at somepoint. Keep a lookout for my Velvet Elvis blog which should be before January ends!! Have a great week to come :)

--RAYE